Well before you set off an any journey a little pre-planning never hurts. Decide exactly you want the outcome to be as a very first thing. Now that may seem obvious - you want to get laid right? What I mean about outcome is are you looking for a series of one night stands or long term affair? Are you after lots of sex or just an occasional extracurricular activity? We probably all start thinking we want lots, but be honest with yourself: just how many nights away from home will your diary permit? Is the quality of the sex imporant or is how your partner looks important? Again we all probably want both in an ideal world but if we know our priorities we are more likely to get something than nothing sooner rather than later. Are you after vanilla sex or perhaps you prefer something a little kinkier?
Ok so let's assume you know what you want, you will also need a little technology preparation. As a minimum you need a private email address - these luckily are trivial to set up on Hotmail, Yahoo! or a miriad of other sites so should not present a problem. In a later post we will spend a lot more time on covering your tracks, but for now remember: caution is the word. If at all possible never use your secret mail or do any of this on your home PC shared with a spouse. My preferred approach is to have a private laptop only I have the password to and one that is totally locked down so it even had a password at power on, although I do realise that this approach may be too expensive for some people. But this is an expensive hobby you are about to embark on so get the best tools of the trade you can afford! Your private email probably also sets you up on an "instant messenger" service (e.g. MSN Messenger soon to be known as Windows Live Messenger, or Yahoo! messenger). You will probably want to use one of these to chat with your potential conquests before you call or meet. Not quite as urgent but a good idea to get sourced from the beginning is a private mobile phone (that's Cellphone if you speak American). Anonymous prepaid phone accounts are dead easy to get and should not present a problem to obtain in most places for a very low price. Even cheaper is just to get a second SIM for your phone although this is less convenient it does have the advantage of not having to explain to a curious spouse why you now have a second phone!
Right now you are tooled up and ready to go so where do you start? Well obviously you need to advertise and to see who is around where. The internet is overrun with dating sites so you have a huge amount of choice and in this first post I will not go into great detail on site reviews but will leave that for a subsequent article, however I will make a few general comments. Sites where you can "meet" the opposite sex really fall into 5 categories:
- Community sites like www.myspace.com or www.facebook.com . These are not out and out dating sites but an awful lot of dating does get done through them! My personal view is if you are out to get laid this is not the best place to start. These sites often have lots of kids and "innocent" members who we don't want to offend and just as important all the non "players" are just noise and get in the way of us adult pleasure seekers. Perhaps indulge in time on one of these sites once you are confident of your techniques, but for now I will ignore them.
- Community sites that have a dating or adult bias. The site I typify for this sort is www.faceparty.com not officially a dating site, but it's pretty clear that's why most people are there. These are not a bad choice of place to start and worth considering.
- Official Dating or matchmating sites. There are LOTS of these by region, relgion, sexual orientation, you name it one will exist. Possibly the biggest players here are www.friendfinder.com www.match.com and in my home country of the UK www.lycos.co.uk (update: sadly after many years of service to philanderers the Lycos dating site has gone) the Friend's Reunited dating site www.friendsreuniteddating.co.uk . These are an excellent place to start but they do have a couple of disadvantages. The biggest disadvantage is most of the people there will be seeking True Love and not after the recreational sex we are looking for. In a later post we will look at techniques for dealing with this in more detail but for now I will just say remember that most women on these sites are after weddings not being laid and you will quickly become adept at filtering them out. Most sites have some field for "marital status": it's usually a good bet that any left blank are married and might be in the same game we are! Another tip is that profiles without photos are often people like us who might not wanting their spouses or friends of spouses finding them on these sites so again a good bet they might be playing.
- Adult dating and swinging site. Probably the brand leader here is www.adultfriendfinder.com (a close relative of the regular Friend Finder site listed above) but there are also many others. Superficially these look to be a GREAT place to meet women who are also "in play" - and they are, but they also have a big disadvantage in my opinion that because of this they attract a WAY too many many men who are not skilled in this game. The side effects of this are twofold: firstly there is so much "noise" it can be hard to get the woman of your dreams to notice you (don't worry dear friend I will help you out with techniques in a later article), secondly it means many women who may be interested in playing our game give up very quickly as they swamped with in articulate mails basically saying "wanna f*ck?" My advice for beginners: have a look at these sites, maybe test your profile writing skills and use it as a general "playground" to test your technique but don't take too seriously until you have proved your methods elsewhere.
- The final category is the out and out kinky sites. It doesn't matter what your tastes there will be a site to meet people of similar bent. For instance www.alt.com is the one in the Friend Finder stable for people into "alternative" sexual activities (read BDSM and the like). I will not comment on the desireabilty or otherwise of any activity - my view is if everyone involved is giving informed consent that's fine with me! If you are after something of a specialist nature by all means seek out the site for you. These sites often have smaller more "dedicated" communities which mean far less "noise" so you might find success easier than on the mainstream adult sites. We will not really mention specialist interst sites again but most of my techniques can be easily modified once mastered to carry over on to this field. Similarly if you are Gay I am sure you will be able to learn from the techniques but as again as a straight man you I can only help so much!
So, we have set up the basics, know what we want now we need to decide on the site(s) we want to use. My advice if not to try too many sites at once - maybe a main one and a second to test out ideas in a different environment are enough to start with. The next thing to do is register and look around (you will need that private email for this - don't make the mistake an online friend did of using his private mail out of habit and then trying to explain it away to your wife!). One big decision is whether to pay or not. Most sites give some sort of "free" trial but for many many the free period is limited or what you can do for free is severely limited (e.g you can reply but not initiate email conversation). I think payment is probably inevitable but for now you can look around for free. As you look around you will see what I call the "flavour" of women in your geography and target age range. This varies from demographic to demographic but you will quickly get a feel for whether any of the women you see interest you. If they do it might be the site for you. Remember not just to look for people with photos: it may be harder to decide physical attractiveness upfront (in fact impossible but we will deal with that later) but many of those profiles are photoless for a reason: it's another married person out for fun! As you look around see how many targets you can spot? Once you have done this on a few sites you are ready to do the next big step and build profiles on the site(s) you are interested in. I will leave the art of profile writing for the next post, but for now have a go yourself and see what happens.
Happy hunting from The Philanderer
