Writing and using your profile

Before I get into the meat of this article firstly an apology for being away so long. No real excuses just real life got in the way and although I kept meaning to do the next article somehow other things kept getting prioritised over it. As they used to make me say at school "I promise to try and do better."
OK so you have set up your basic tools as per my last article and now you want to put up a profile on a site. For this purpose I am assuming you will be writing on a regualr dating site but most of the techniques carry over with a little modification for other sites too just use your common sense. I have some basic personal rules I use that have stood me well so I will share them with you.

1. Be open and honest about what you want but try not to scare them away at the same time. By this I mean if you are looking for an eventual real life affair with sex as part of the final relationship say something like "I'm looking to meet someone eventually who like me is out to have some discreet fun. What's Fun? Well as the quiz show says 'you decide'!" Lets examine that quote a bit further. It does not say "I am only here to get laid" - it might be what you want but trust me it will scare off even a lot of the fun players. It is direct enough to make clear that you want to meet, it says you are looking for "discreet fun" which while ambiguous about sex has a pretty strong implication. It also makes clear you want someone who will be discreet. This also has a benefit of giving a message to those looking for "true love" - that is not what you want. Final point about my quote - it leave the final decision to her. I think this is important to show you know she has a choice and in a few words sets you apart from 90% of the guys there who only say what they want. Similarly I am a big believer in being honest about being married - unless you are the worlds best actor or secret agent whoever you meet will find out eventually and I bet most of those once they find out will run a mile because you were not open from the start. Depending on the site you chose this might be as simple as having a field set on your profile or it might be in main text of your profile. Personally I always make it clear in the text as well as it amazes me how many do not look at the details elsewhere on the profile. Also be honest about things like height, weight and looks: again they will see the real you so be upfront. A woman who only likes tall men over 6' will not be impressed if you pretend to be tall and turn up as a medium sized guy. Similarly be honest about things like race. Personally I have no preferences regarding the colour of a woman's skin and find racism repulsive but it is a sad fact of life it matters to some people so again be honest: at worst all you have done is kept away a racist who you would not have wanted to meet anyway.
2. Write proper English. Ok if it's not your native tongue write in the suitable language for you, but you know what I mean. This is a personal thing and I am sure mileage varies, but I find that there are a lot of people out there who find a lot of modern text or IM speak annoying and conversely in my experience people who do use that sort of language have no problem with real English. This is not me being a prissy school teacher, rather one of my continuing themes of doing things to maximise responses and keep options open. If you find spelling or grammar a problem just write your article in something like Word and use the spelling and grammar checker.
3. Don't take yourself too seriously. Humour seems to work really well breaking the ice and making yourself the butt of a joke shows you are not precious. I often like to put a joke somewhere on the profile but it's far from essential, just try and avoid coming over as too serious.
4. Say what you are looking for in the person you will meet. If age, size, hair colour, smoking habits matter - say so. But don't limit yourself too much - does the colour of her hair really matter that much? Personally I adore petite blondes with short well groomed hair who wear stockings all the time and have large breasts - but I would never say so on a profile. I tend to talk about personalities (e.g. "someone who does not take life too seriously") rather than physical types. Much as I like those petite, busty blondes a skinny tall brunette with wicked sense of humour and insatiable sex drive is much more fun than a dull celibate blonde!
5. Say something about you. Be honest - but not TOO honest! Say what you like, say what makes you laugh, say a little about what you do for fun (unless it's axe murdering of course) but do not say things that limit your choices. As an example saying "I hate gardening" (and I do, with a passion!) but saying so on the profile might put of that nymphomaniac plants woman who is in every other way perfect. Once you start communicating you can qualify out those who are obsessed with things you hate. Actually this rule is one I probably follow least now - as I have got more skilled at writing profiles that attract I actually get too many responses sometimes, so now I do put things in deliberately to keep away unsuitable people. However for now do as I say not as I do: think of too many responses as great problem to have.
6. Be challenging and ask questions. This for me is a big one. I love to put a question or two on my profile that invites a response. The act of asking question just invites a response and hugely increases your response rate. Now what should the question be? Well here I cannot really help you as it needs to reflect you character. I have used everything from asking which is someone favorite cartoon character to probing questions about politics. In each case though I try and not to give a clue about my own opinions so as not to scare off those who disagree with me. Here ia an example: "I love 60s cartoons. Who do you think is smarter Bugs Bunny or Jerry from Tom and Jerry and why?" The question is partly closed (it gives a choice) but also partly open ("and why?"). It deliberately invites someone to reveal a little about herself but has a core of a simple question. Be creative - and if I find that cartoon question on your profile, I will know where it came from.
7. Be discreet. This is another biggie: assuming you are married or similar and are out for extramarital fun you really do not want to get caught. Don't give anything away in the profile that means your partner or her friends (or even your friends for that matter) can identify you. That means no photo. Yes that will limit your responses but is it worth the risk? Now it is a fact that having some sort of picture gets a better response rate, so I have a few cartoons and other pictures I put there instead: shows a sense of humour, says something about me and most important means you show up if someone ticks the "picture only" box on a search. Sadly some sites audit all photos and if not a real one sling it out. If you are using one of those you just have to live with the fewer hits. But it is not just the photo that identifies you - remember the "not TOO honest rule"? Well it applies here. Do not say what you do if it is not a very common job (e.g. saying you are a builder is probably ok, saying you are a chief auditor for a local authority probably is not). Similar try not to be too specific about where you live: saying "London" or even "North London" probably is ok, giving the name or post code of a small village a bit too dangerous. If you do live somewhere small where you are known my advice is to say you live in a nearby big town or city.Right so now you have my basic rules - go ahead and write that profile.

Now for some bad news - even with all my expertise there is every chance you will put your profile up, wait with baited breath and days later still have had no response. That is why this article is called Writing and USING your profile. I have found there are certain techniques that really increase responses to my profile. The simplest is to write to someone else first! I will cover the techniques for that in another blog as there are a lot of pitfalls in that first contact. For now here is a way to increase people visiting your profile.

Most of these sites have a way of seeing who is online and telling who has visited a profile. This is a great way to attract people to YOUR profile. Make sure your profile is set to show who visits you and as important make sure they will see if you visit their profle. Then simply visit as many profiles as you can. Now for fastest results do a search for women who are online that fit your basic criteria (e.g. between 30 and 50 who do not smoke and live withing 50 miles of London). Remember our theme of not being too choosey! Then quickly click on each person found. Do not even bother to read the profile - this is a numbers game. I have got really proficient and clicking and returning and then clicking again etc. This really seems to pay off: in the next hour or so you will see the hit count for you profile creep up and if the profile follows the basic rules there is a good chance someone will write you a message.

Remember I said this is a numbers game? Well in some unscientific counts I did I came to the rule that for every 10 profiles I visit I get one or two stop by to look at mine. Of those who looked at mine probably about one in ten makes and effort to respond to the profle - usually making comment about the "bait" question I mentioned above. For a well written profile that might be as high as 1 in 5 but it takes practice to get to that. So what that means is, on average to get one response you need to visit about 100 profiles! Get proficient on that mouse.
Right, now it's over to you. Write that profile and see what happens.