Making Contact

In spite of my hopes of being more frequent in my postings it seems a long time has gone by before I finally got round to writing another post so I hope there are still some readers out there.

The intent of this post is to talk a little more about how to use online dating sites as an aid to illicit affairs but it will also include a few stores of my own experiences about what happens if you get it right – and even more importantly what happens if you get it wrong.

So you have followed my lessons, selected a site (or more), written a profile and may even had had some responses. You are on your way. Now how do you break the ice and convince her (or him but in the rest of this article just transpose the gender according to yours and your taste – it’s way too inelegant to keep using both) you are the person she wants to have some adult fun with? Well it’s a good idea to start with a message.

Here we return to my regular theme of being honest – but not too honest. With luck she will have responded to a question on your profile but for now we will assume you are the one initiating contact. Now for some bad news: you might have to do some work – read though the profiles that seem likely and select some possibles. As previous advice: try not to be too choosey but equally there is no point in being realistic either – if you want to meet and are not a jet set traveller someone a plane ride away if probably too far. There is no doubt that a personalised mail is best. That’s why I said you have to do some work: reply to something on the profile that shows you have read it. That alone will set you apart from most of the others out there playing this game. Now we hit a a trade off – this is still a numbers game: it’s a sad fact that most messages will not get a reply. This does not mean that all the women you write too are bad – just that they probably are overwhelmed with mail and only scan it. It is also likely a lot of them are not interested in a “player” like you, just accept it: if they had replied it would have been a waste of time anyway. So that trade off I mentioned: you want to send lots of messages but you want them personalised. If you have a lot of time write them all individually. If you do not I find a good compromise is to include a sentence or two that is personalised at the beginning then the rest is a cut and paste pro-forma. I try to make the “standard” part of the words humorous and not too obviously cut and pasted. I always include something questioning as questions make an answer more likely. One thing I have done is to ask something like “would you like glass of wine to celebrate us having found each other?” then end with “red/white or perhaps some bubbly?”

If you do all of this you should start to get some replies and from here on in I have to leave you on your own a little bit more. You are after all an individual and you need to show your character to the people you are interested in. There are a few tips though:

• Don’t be too eager. Rushing to say “let’s meet tomorrow” in most cases will get you blown out, unless of course the lady’s profile clearly states that what she wants
• Don’t jump in and talk about sex up front. I usually spend a bit of time talking about interests on her profile and getting to know her a bit. Old fashioned I know but it does seem to work for me. Quite often the lady will make some sort of comment herself that might be a hint or at least something you can use to drop an innuendo into the conversation to see how she reacts.
• Realise that often it won’t work out. Early on I try to filer out those where it really won’t work. For instance I find for me anyone who answers questions with a closed “yes” or “no” often have rather poor conversation skills and it’s likely I would find her very boring to meet. If a lady does give you a “sorry but not for me” or just disappears be pleased it was before you wasted too much time.
• Timing is everything. Find out when she can chat and try and fit her schedule. Some sort of real time interaction (say by Instant Messenger or just quick email responses) will enable you to establish much more of a rapport than one email a day. Also if you find it’s a bad time for her, back off: there is nothing more annoying than someone pestering at the wrong time.

So there you have another lesson. I hope by the end of this you will be ready to arrange a meeting. For my advice on that topic you will need to wait for my next instalment.

Happy Philandering.